||five.six.fifteen||

It was just like everything was being stripped away...

And I was starting life all over again.

Everything was new...except my family.

After a year and a half, I came home...

Or I thought that's what I was going to do…

As I stepped on the plane, everything within me wanted to run...run as far away as possible...away from the airplane, away from the direction we were headed, away from life.

I couldn't put words to the way I felt.  Everything within me was reacting.

Tears streamed down my face as the plane left American soil.

How would I ever live through all this emotion??

Nine months later and I’m still trying to find my place.

I thought I was coming ‘home’…but home changed while I was away…

I constantly think of the words I mumbled to my counselor two and a half years ago when she threw this question at me.

“If there was one thing you could change in your life, what would it be?”

“Consistency…I would try to make life experience more consistency.”

Consistency is one thing my life has lacked…it’s not wrong; it just brings pain in all styles of shapes and sizes.

 

The only common thing through all the years has been change.

||besides my family + God||

Here we are again…trying to find our place in all the change.

This is one of our Earthly homes God has granted us, but in the time we were gone 

s o  m u c h  c h a n g e d.

My flesh longs to fight it all out.  I desperately try to stay strong…but then I find myself wiping tears from my eyes at the oddest times.

Even when I think I finally pulled it all together, I find myself squeezing Jesus’ arm as we walk through the storm.

Sometimes I see one set of footprints in the sand and I know the only way I’m making it through each day is because of His strong arms carrying me.

Will life ever get back to the way it used to be??

I don’t think so…and we need to be ok with that.

But I do think it’s ok to miss the old days and the small family feel of life way back then…

Change isn’t wrong…it’s just a part of life.

With Jesus, all things are possible…and because of Him, we press on.

||He is my Refuge + my Fortress.

My God in whom I trust…||