The beginning of a year doesn't seem complete to me unless there are goals set and a year reviewed. Whether it be the beginning of January or the middle of the year (my birthday), I find myself subconsciously running through the past and the future. I'm a visionary perfectionist. My tendency is to set lots of goals that are not realistic. I dream big and think positive. Until reality sets in. Then I hit the bottom. The rock of let-down and disappointment. As I've gotten older I've found words to describe these feelings. It's been enlightening and hard to accept.
This year as I approached 2021 I caught my visionary mind and threw her into the room of caution. She fought the feelings of rejection well by facing reality with hope. The line of pushing oneself while walking a road of healing is very fine and difficult to detect. I have to say, though, that 2021 looks hopeful to me.
I always picture the year in a circle. Currently we are at the bottom moving counterclockwise. This year the circle is covered by clouds. The sun is shining on today and the past is tear-stained. I don't know that I've ever felt so deeply confident of the coming year and it's goals. I don't say that because of 2020 and what it looked like to the world. I say that because 2020 was an incredible year of learning and healing while at the same time very dark emotionally. I've never struggled as deeply as I did this past year. To be honest, I looked at the beginning of 2020 with hope because the previous year had been painful. I remember thinking to myself, "It's a good thing you didn't know how hard this past year would be at the beginning of the year." This season of entering the New Year I told myself the same thing. Especially because 2020 brought emotional and mental struggles I had never imagined would enter my life.
As I mentioned earlier, this year the circle is covered by clouds. The world is still the same and the people around me are still facing the same unknowns. But deep in the bottom of my heart I have an anchor. One that hasn't been there for years. It's small, but strong. Deeply rooted and unable to be moved. The circumstances haven't changed. The losses are still there. I still miss my childhood home greatly. But there's peace. There's hope and redemption. There's vision and possibilities. I feel capable of setting a goal and seeing it come to completion. It makes the cloud covered circle seem exciting and inviting. I keep telling myself that this year is going to move rather rapidly so every moment needs to be utilized to it's greatest potential. Learn all there is to learn in a moment and make the moves today count for tomorrow.
To you, the one who is struggling with entering this year: Keep fighting. Fight for Truth. Be honest and real. Ask for help. It might take you through a deep and hard journey but when the wounds can heal completely without rocks and dirt in them you'll find the anchor of peace greater than anything you could ever imagine. He wants you. He doesn't need you, but He WANTS YOU. He went through death for YOU. As you walk into this New Year, give yourself grace. It's not the end. There is hope. And it's found in Jesus.
HAPPY 2021.
May you find the peace of God more real to you this year than you did in the last.
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