Journal Entry: 10.1.14

October 1, 2014

Journal Entry:

“How are you doing?” seems to be the popular question these days.  To be honest, I have found it hard to answer…I mean, as small of a question as it seems, I really don’t think I am quite capable of honestly answering correctly.  Every day holds a new set of emotions, but usually they all contain one similarity.

i n d e s c r i b a b l e

It’s as if I long for home.

But when I stop and think about home, I don’t know where it is.

I look at pictures & watch video clips from this past year.

But then my eyes fill with tears as I recall the memories made.

Yes.  I miss America.

But if I were informed of a move back from Thailand, I would have a meltdown.  Honest & Truly.

My mind races through every detail of every situation that took place in Grenada during my childhood and this past fall.  Once again this overwhelming feeling floods my soul.

“How to describe it?” is the question that daily boggles my mind.

There are no words really.

Each day is an up or down & I can’t warn myself of what the day may be.

Life truly has been a rollercoaster for the past several months.

I open my Bible & before my eyes is my favorite passage.

“He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.  I will say of the LORD, ‘He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” {Psalm 91:1-2 NIV}

The five dollar bill marking the place of the chapter reminds me of redemption.  The thought of God using insignificant people for His glory.  The night I fought for selfish desires & in the end, when He won, I had the privilege of praying with a dear friend….seeing her become a daughter of the King was entirely worth everything.  The fact that He allowed me to have the privilege when I didn’t have any desire to be there at the moment blows me away.  Why didn’t He give that opportunity to someone else??  Why me of all the beautiful people in the world??

“Child, you are Mine & I love you more than you will ever know or understand.  Just trust Me & I will carry you.”

He really does beat all.

In the end, He is the One who understands me most.  He is the One who will always & forever be my Leader.  He won’t come in and out of my life.  There’s no ‘hellos’ & ‘goodbyes.’

I don’t have to explain anything to Him.  He already knows.

My past doesn’t have to be brought up to remind Him why I am the way I am today.

He understands me better than any other TCK ever will.

He knows my past, present, & future.  On Him I can fully rely.

So tonight, as I lay my head on my pillow, I can have the indescribable feelings, but that’s ok.  There is One who knows & to Him I will run.

[Love to all]

<3

6 - Sept - 14

These days are rather busy and taking the time to blog isn’t happening. [sadly]  Never fear, I have not forgotten you, the readers.  Thus the reason I am here now.  Obviously my skill for having random thoughts hasn’t been lost in the business of life, as you can clearly tell, so let me try to move on here…and leave those behind…

{oh dear. this could be quite difficult}

 Four weeks ago I walked off the airplane into a familiar airport.  I desperately tried to prepare myself for the coming days and the emotions that would flood this little brain, but alas, that was not possible.  Little did I know that not only would I face the struggles I expected, but also the struggles I didn’t even know existed in my life.  Well, now they do and I am learning to trust God even more. 

 The first few days consisted of shock.  I tried to completely grasp that I was back in Thailand.  I tried to make myself believe that I had really been gone for an entire year and then some.  I attempted to process the fact that the entire year was over & now I was back in Thailand.  Grenada had been visited {…and honestly, I’m still not over that trip. But that’s another story.}, new friends were made, new places were discovered, I saw God in so many incredible ways, and so much more really…

Unpacking was done and sorting through stored belongings created thoughts of becoming gray before I’m even twenty. {ohpleaseno}  Each day I wrestled with the fact that I was living here without a plan.  I had no idea what I was going to do and when I was going to figure it out.  Honestly, I was struggling with trust.  I knew God would provide, but some days it seemed impossible.  God has been showing me that complete surrender is so important.  Yes, He has been showing me this for y e a r s, but sometimes children just d o n t g e t i t.  Hopefully I will someday…but we shall see…

This past week I started a new month with a new schedule.  I actually am busy. Hard to believe, I know…Monday I hit the books.  It was a little frightening and exciting all at the same time.  I forgot so much, sadly, but my teacher is so kind J & for this I am forever grateful!  Between classes three days a week {two hours each}, an hour [plus] of assisting in the kitchen trying to learn how to make Thai food and speak Thai, and homework, I am fairly busy.  Once a week I am trying my hand at teaching, which is fun & stretching…but the kids…how can you not love them??  Along with that, I help my madre at home with food and such…then there are those personal goals in life.  I love music, so I am working on improving some of those abilities in my spare time. {hehe}  But it is fun, I have to admit.  Music is just so…so…it is b e a u t i f u l <3.

It is good to be back in a schedule again.  It really is.  But it also has it’s struggles.  So you can pray for me as I struggle to find solitude moments in amongst the business of life.  I want to do it all well, but sometimes I run out of energy. [true story]  Those moments are amazing though, because then I learn once again to rely on God when it looks absolutely IMPOSSIBLE.

Ok.  The night is getting old & sleep is important as well!

Love to all. & so long…

Apple Pie Bars

As most of you know, I'm not one of those food bloggers, but today I used a recipe worth sharing...so just for fun, I'm breaking out of my little blogging box and giving you a recipe I found on Pinterest. [yes. i am completely serious. & it actually turned out.]

I highly recommend you try this recipe this fall if you are one of those [anything apple loving fans]....well, that's my advice..

Click here to visit the blog I got this recipe from.
//Her pictures are pretty amazing as well//

& have fun!

Happy Fall!

Apple Pie Bars

These Apple Pie Bars are the perfect handheld dessert and SO delicious! Made with fresh apples and topped with a sweet vanilla glaze.

Prep time

25 mins

Cook time

50 mins

Total time

1 hour 15 mins

Author: Liz Fourez

Recipe type: Dessert

Serves: 12

Ingredients

• Crust:
• 2 cups all-purpose flour
• ½ teaspoon salt
• 12 tablespoons unsalted butter, cold and diced into cubes
• ¼ cup 2% milk
• 1 egg yolk
• 
  Filling:
• 5 cups Granny Smith apples, peeled, cored, and diced
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• ½ cup all-purpose flour
• ½ cup granulated sugar
• ⅓ cup packed brown sugar
• 1½ teaspoon cinnamon
• ¼ teaspoon nutmeg
• 
  Topping:
• 1 egg white
• 1½ tablespoons Turbinado sugar (or granulated sugar)
• ¼ teaspoon cinnamon
• 
  Glaze:
• 1 cup powdered sugar
• 2 tablespoons 2% milk
• ½ teaspoon vanilla

Instructions

1. Preheat oven to 350ºF.
2. Pie crust: Add flour and salt to a food processor bowl and pulse ingredients together. Add cold, cubed butter and pulse until mixture resembles coarse crumbs. Add milk and egg yolk and pulse until mixture comes together and can be formed into a ball. Wrap dough in plastic wrap and refrigerate while preparing filling.
3. Filling: Place diced apples in a large mixing bowl. Add vanilla and toss to coat. In a separate bowl, whisk together flour, granulated sugar, brown sugar, cinnamon, and nutmeg. Pour flour mixture over apples and toss until evenly coated.
4. Assemble the pie: Divide pie crust dough into 2 equal portions. Roll first portion into a 13x9" rectangle on a lightly floured surface. Transfer dough into the bottom of an ungreased 13x9" baking dish by placing a rolling pin in the center of the dough, folding one side up over the pin, then folding the other side on top. Lift the rolling pin over the baking dish and unfold both sides into the dish. Carefully dump apples over the crust and spread them up to ½" around the edge of the crust. Roll out the 2nd dough portion i the same manner about ½" larger on each side. Transfer dough over apples and tuck sides of dough down into the baking dish, sealing the apples inside the crust. In a small bowl, whisk the egg white until foamy and brush over top of the pie. Combine the Turbinado sugar and cinnamon in another small bowl and sprinkle evenly over pie. Bake in preheated oven for 50-60 minutes until crust is golden brown. Remove from oven and allow to cool for at least 1 hour on a baking rack before cutting into squares. Serve bars drizzled with glaze (see instructions below) or with a scoop of vanilla ice cream.
5. Glaze: Combine all ingredients in a small bowl and whisk until smooth. Thin with additional milk if necessary and drizzle over bars.

Notes

- If you don't have a food processor, you can make the pie crust by hand also. Just use a pastry cutter to cut the butter into the flour mixture and use your hands or a spoon to add in the milk and egg until you can form the dough into a ball.

Reflection on the Past [For my U.S. High School]

A year ago [approximately] I woke up a little nervous & excited.  It was the day I would begin the adventure of being a senior for the second year.  So many emotions flooded my mind as I left the house in my gray cape dress [this was a new adventure for me in itself. hehe] & walked down the street with my brothers.  We rehearsed a few things and nervously talked about what was coming our way, but little did we know what the year would hold. After walking a few blocks we came around the corner and into the gated area of the school.  There, right in front of me, was practically the entire school.  {insert dramatic music} I.was.not.expecting.to.meet.them.right.there.  It was a little shocking to say the least!  I took a deep breath and whispered a prayer, then I walked toward the few familiar faces in the crowd.

It didn't take long til people introduced themselves and accepted me [this random new person invading the senior class].  They were awesome and I made friends very quickly.

That first day started with introductions.  To say the least, it was [awkward] & very [interesting].  But looking back on it now, it was awesome.  When I need something to laugh about, I think of that day I got some first hand experience with a teacher embarrassing me. ;]  But it's ok.  Everyone needs those moments in life.  

The school year of 2013-2014 was amazing.  I look at what God did in my life.  He took me to places I never thought I would go.  He used hard situations to draw me closer to Him.  Relationships were given & not always the easiest, but He used them for my good.  I was stretched in ways I didn't expect to be stretched and blessed in ways I never dreamed possible.  I sit here and look at what God did to the Fairview Highschool and I'm so amazed and blessed that I had the privilege of being a part of a revival.  God really did work & change people's lives.  He changed people I had prayed for & now those people are living lives completely different than before.  He truly is amazing.

Tomorrow morning another year of school starts.  My brothers will be off to school & I'm not going.  [How weird is that?]  Yes. I am glad I'm done with school, but there's still a part of me that's desperately trying to grasp the thought of me never returning.  Pictures fly through my mind of this past year and all that happened.  It was a dream come true for me and now it's over.  There's no going back.  A new chapter of life is now opening.

Pray for my brothers as they enter a new school [a small school] and face lots of adjustments.  It looks BIG.

To the F.C.S. High School, I hope you have a wonderful year of school & I'm sure God's got amazing things in store for you all this coming year!  The memories we made this past school year are close to our hearts and we could never thank you enough!  The experience at ISC 2014 was the best & I won't soon forget that. [best convention ever] We miss you all more than you can imagine & we pray for you often! Love you guys! <3

& to the Senior Class of 2014, I can't help but think of the moments we sat in the library and tried to plan our graduation [not to mention the color choosing ;)], learned how to operate computer programs & "worked on our Power Points", took group pictures in the snow, racked our brains for words to type into our Writing Assignments the hour before it was due, walked around New York City for a day [& the moment of laughter that followed my ankle being sprained..that was a good moment lol], setting up for Graduation, taking those pictures of us in our purple clothing, standing in a circle and praying before we graduated, getting our diplomas and making an excited statement on the stage [ok. maybe that was me..but whatever..], having the juniors lay hands on us and say a prayer of blessing on our lives, sitting at the table after graduation and trying to grasp the thought of us being DONE with school....& there are many more..You guys are just awesome.  Thank you for making my last year of school AMAZING.  Thank you for accepting me for who I am and for allowing me to invade your senior class.  Thank you 100 times.  You have no idea how much you all mean to me & how much I miss you guys.  It was a great year!  But now it's time to move on and face new situations in life.  I saw God work in your lives this past year and I KNOW He has beautiful plans in store for your lives.  Keep serving Him & giving Him your all!

Love to all! <3

& I cannot forget to thank my Heavenly Father for the blessings He gave me this past year.  They were overwhelming and completely amazing.  Tears come to my eyes as I look back over the past year and see what all happened.  In some ways it feels like a dream & so far away.  Part of my heart was left behind, but that's ok.  God knew what I would face last year and He knows what's coming my way.  He never leaves & always listens.  There truly is nothing better than a relationship with the Creator of the Universe, the Father who chose me to be His daughter. <3

Goodnight world.

& So long..til next time...

It's when I stop for a second to try to comprehend what's happening in my life that my heart gets heavy & tears run down my face.

My human mind attempts to process life.  But it can't.

My attempts to place my thoughts on paper fail and instead of filling the pages with words, tears scar the lines.

Pictures of people & friends who have brought joy to my life fly through my brain as I think of the day that I will have to say the dreadful goodbye.

Life isn't hopeless, and yet, sometimes it appears that way.

When I look around me & see the wounded hearts of young girls, the skinned up knees of the fatherless children, and the tears of the parents who have lost their children, I thank God that in the midst of pain, I HAVE SOMETHING TO LIVE FOR.

I have Someone. I have a purpose in life.

Without that, it would BE hopeless.  No direction in life.  Nothing to live for.  No comfort in heartbreaking moments.

Why am I questioning God?  Why does life look so bad to me [the child of the One True King]?

I .know. He won't take the pain away.  For me to beg Him to pull it out of my life would be wrong.  He has a reason & a precious plan in mind.  Yes, it is hard & from the ashes He will make something beautiful.

And today I am thankful that there can be joy in the midst of pain because I have a reason to live. <3

In a little less than three weeks I will board a plane with my family.  The journey will take us back to what we knew as home, but now it's different than what it used to be.  What was known as home for this past year will be left behind along with the friends we made.  How does one process this?

In one year's time, every 'home' state & country were visited.  Memories were made & lessons were learned.  God worked in a powerful way in my life & honestly, I am a different person today than I was last year at this time.  The year had struggles [BIG struggles], but God was that constant strong & steady, ever-present Father.  I've learned to love Him even more & I've seen Him use broken and imperfect people to impact other's lives.  When I thought it was impossible, He used me [little, imperfect me].  When life seemed difficult, he brought relationships into my life that were humanly impossible.

Now I'm trying to grasp the thought that this year is almost over.  Tears come to my eyes as I attempt to process the thought of leaving.  It's one of those moments when all the feelings you could ever imagine come swooping into your life and overwhelm you.  There truly are no words.  God reminded me this morning that I can fully trust Him because He's in control.  He knows.  I can rest in the assurance that He has it all under control & I can accept it.  For me to push it away would be painful.  To accept the coming journey is going to be painful.  But if I trust Him, it will be bearable and He will continually comfort me.  There's no way to try to hide that it's hard.  Honestly, it's one of those things you question and wonder why God would allow so much inconsistency in one person's life.  Why would God allow so much change and so few people who fully understand and care?

"I am with you."

That's all I need.  No matter how hard the situation, no matter how difficult the task, HE IS WITH ME & I don't need to worry about the future.

Pray for us, if you think about it.  These next weeks look HUGE!  But our God is BIGGER!

<3

7.17.14. //Thoughts//

Day to day battles with oneself isn’t uncommon.  Being a Christian involves these continuous moments of surrender each day of our lives.  For us to remember that we are nothing without God is important.  It doesn’t matter how beautiful or handsome you are, what kind of family you come from, how cute your kids are, how tall and handsome your boyfriend is or how beautiful your girlfriend looks.  It doesn’t matter if you’re single or married, white or black, American, Asian, African or European, if you’ve gone to church all your life or you just started a week ago, if you have ten talents or just one talent.  God accepts us all the same.  In His eyes, we are no different.  To Him, we are all strangers wandering around on a tiny planet called Earth and daily needing more of Him.  We will never [EVER] become something of worth to Him on our own.  Because God sent His very Own precious Son to die on the cross for the wicked and ungodly deeds we have done, we have the ability to have a relationship with the Creator of the Universe.

What bigger gift could we ask for???

Instead of being genuinely grateful for the greatest gift ever given to us, we walk around this earth looking for something more we could have.  We wander around shopping malls looking for more stuff to fill our houses and better clothes to reach a higher class in our church.  Whether we realize it or not, we create an unspoken pressure to become a ‘better’ person [in our human eyes, mind you].  We’ve created an atmosphere of jealousy and style that somehow makes us feel a little bit better than the people God has placed around us.  Is this what the Christian life looks like to you?

It’s not about filling up our time at youth activities, school events, parties, and a church service once or twice a week!  Our lives are to be [living] [daily] relationships with God, [OUR MAKER].  You can’t get to know someone by spending fifteen minutes a day with them.  For us to truly know God, we need to continually talk to Him, read His Word, & worship Him to give Him the glory He deserves!  It’s easy to get caught up in our day to day activities and find ourselves too tired to have our quiet time before we go to bed.  Sometimes we set our alarm clocks to wake us up in just enough time to get us ready for work.  Is that pursuing God?  The truth of the matter is He already knows us.  We are the ones who need to know Him more.  The best thing is, it doesn’t matter how much time we spend with Him, we will never fully know His greatness and Who He is!  Does that look a little overwhelming??  That’s OK.  He is the greatest & if we could figure Him out, life would have no point.  So keep pursuing!

My life is just a vapor & to spend it for myself would be absolutely ridiculous.  To surrender daily is hard, but for me to wrestle for a short amount of time so I can overcome & spend eternity praising God makes it worth it!  My challenge to you is daily surrender your life to God. You will never [ever] regret it!

<3