||five.six.fifteen||

It was just like everything was being stripped away...

And I was starting life all over again.

Everything was new...except my family.

After a year and a half, I came home...

Or I thought that's what I was going to do…

As I stepped on the plane, everything within me wanted to run...run as far away as possible...away from the airplane, away from the direction we were headed, away from life.

I couldn't put words to the way I felt.  Everything within me was reacting.

Tears streamed down my face as the plane left American soil.

How would I ever live through all this emotion??

Nine months later and I’m still trying to find my place.

I thought I was coming ‘home’…but home changed while I was away…

I constantly think of the words I mumbled to my counselor two and a half years ago when she threw this question at me.

“If there was one thing you could change in your life, what would it be?”

“Consistency…I would try to make life experience more consistency.”

Consistency is one thing my life has lacked…it’s not wrong; it just brings pain in all styles of shapes and sizes.

 

The only common thing through all the years has been change.

||besides my family + God||

Here we are again…trying to find our place in all the change.

This is one of our Earthly homes God has granted us, but in the time we were gone 

s o  m u c h  c h a n g e d.

My flesh longs to fight it all out.  I desperately try to stay strong…but then I find myself wiping tears from my eyes at the oddest times.

Even when I think I finally pulled it all together, I find myself squeezing Jesus’ arm as we walk through the storm.

Sometimes I see one set of footprints in the sand and I know the only way I’m making it through each day is because of His strong arms carrying me.

Will life ever get back to the way it used to be??

I don’t think so…and we need to be ok with that.

But I do think it’s ok to miss the old days and the small family feel of life way back then…

Change isn’t wrong…it’s just a part of life.

With Jesus, all things are possible…and because of Him, we press on.

||He is my Refuge + my Fortress.

My God in whom I trust…||

A Dream + The Seriousness of Life.

As I glanced around the room and saw all those faces of the people I loved, I couldn’t stop the smile coming to my face.  Everything seemed to be going right.

Suddenly a trumpet sounded and time went into slow motion.  Somehow we all knew it was coming and we all knew what it meant.  The Rapture was taking place.  We were all taken away…everyone, that is, except for one friend.  As I was whisked away, I desperately tried to somehow make my friend come along…But I couldn’t….

The dream continued…

In fact, it seemed to be doing an instant replay in a different location, only this time I couldn’t enjoy the moments with friends.  I fought hard.  I knew what was coming and I didn’t want to face it again.

Right before the trumpet sounded, I found myself trying to make it all come to an end.  I wanted my friend to make it along this time.  But I couldn’t.  The trumpet sounded and once again we were all whisked away…everyone, but my friend.

My heart pounded and I shook with fright as I jolted awake.  A dream….it was just a dream.

“Why, God?  Why??  Why would you let me experience that?”

Months later I woke with a startle.  In my mind I knew I was supposed to do something…but what??

This time the dream was a little less personal, but ever so urgent and important.  My mind ran continually…attempting to figure out the reason behind it all.

“God, please show me…”

We have been given the gift of life and for us to live it however we want is downright stupid.  Our lives are so incredibly short + there’s no time to waste.  There are people around you every day.  Some of them may be Christians + others may have never heard of Jesus.  That makes us responsible.

God continually brings these dreams to my mind and with them the seriousness of life.  I don’t think we will ever fully understand.  But we can act wisely.

I know there are days when I make mistakes.  Fact is I do it all the time.  Sadly I wish I could overcome that, but my human strength is too weak to do it on my own. 

My only hope is Jesus.  And He is the Lifeboat.

All of us are on a sinking ship.  Some of us know of the existing Lifeboat.  Others have no idea.  And still more are choosing to believe they will somehow make it without the Rescuer. 

Say your house is burning down… Your neighbor quietly walks to your house and rings the doorbell…waits a few minutes and rings it again.  Finally you realize, so you make your way to the door.  Once you see your neighbor, you begin to chat about life and the everyday occurrences.  After ten minutes of nothing deep, your neighbor attempts the task of informing you of the danger on your second floor.  He beats around the bush until you begin to get the idea.  Suddenly you realize it’s urgent, but by then it’s too late.  Your family is upstairs sleeping and there’s no way for you to get them out safely.  You, yourself, barely make it out alive.

Do you see where I’m going?

You aren’t the one in the house.  That’s the people around you and you don’t have time to waste.    You have the greatest gift of all…a relationship with the Savior of the world.  Do the people you face every day realize that?

Time is running out!  What are you going to do about it?

because some things in life are taken for granted

& that i don't want to do.

 < > > just a few photos from this past week < < >

love to all.

ravonne sabrina

Just an Average Day...

With every new year come new adventures

& my first new adventure is taking an online photography course.

<3

Yes. I   l o v e  it.

Currently I am in my second week {out of eight}

& I'm learning so much...it's a great feeling.

Every week there are photo assignments along with writing assignments...

So, for your entertainment, I will share a few of the photos I have taken so far.... :]

No. I will not share the pictures I believe are better left hidden in a box, but those are four from the first week....

The second week began and I was once again learning so much...

& finding new ways to make it all stick in my mind.

Working with white balance became one of the weeks assignments.

&& then I embarked on an afternoon adventure to attempt the task of snapping some pictures for the week's assignment.

With a place in mind, I thought it would be rather simple....but it turned into a learning/entertaining experience that shall not soon be forgotten...

After several exploring stops, I made it to my destination and decided it wouldn't hurt to try a few things...

I walked around and shot pictures from all angles, hoping to get something great...but it just didn't seem to happen...

Well, why not try a coffee from a cool looking "coffee shop" like this one?? ^

I entered.

One step in and my first glance made me think I was in a bar...one with a restaurant.

I strolled to the backside of the counter and freely looked around at everything...this place was just cool.  I guess it made the worker slightly uncomfortable.  When the tight-wad in me motioned to the door, I headed that way.  Mean while the polite, not hurt some one's feelings side of me said to stay and try the place out.  I caved.  After looking at the little selection of coffee in the back of the menu, I ordered.  I took a seat at a table outside and hoped for the best.  Surely a cool looking place like this would have delicious coffee...

It looked fantastic.  But let me remind you, looks can be deceiving.

I shot around for a few minutes then decided the drink wasn't getting any cooler.  First slurp and I quickly remembered my ability to drink strong coffee sickness.  But, after all, this was a good day...why should I let the strong coffee get to me?

Ok.  It did get to me.  Let's just say I have a fascination with taking pictures of random things...and when you are alone at a coffee shop and you don't really care what everyone around you is thinking...well, it can get out of hand.  But sitting there made me think of all the things I have to be thankful for...like the mountain of ice in my cup.  & the fact that I can try this place again for a better experience.  {Even a headache straight through a straw.} hehe

My guess is that all those people who were fully entertained by my own entertainment don't have a real reason to live.  Does the man {wearing a winter coat, mind you} pretending to jog on the sidewalk know that he was created to bring glory to the Father?  Or what about the lady on the phone staring out the widow at me attempting to take pictures...does she know that Someone actually loves her more than she can imagine??  & the guy who used his phone conversations to make it look like he wasn't watching my every move...Does he realize that his worth isn't in how strong he is or how much money he makes???
Sure, I have my own issues....but without Jesus it would be IMPOSSIBLE.  & That I have to be thankful for.  I HAVE JESUS.

So now I am back at the same lesson I have been trying to grasp.
L O V E
How can someone love {or even attempt to love} like Jesus??

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Well, that's a little peak at life for the time being....but I guess everyday is different. :)

Peace & Love
RaVonne Sabrina

วันขอบคุณพระเจ้า {Thanksgiving}

Because my Thanksgiving Day was completely different this year, my thankful list didn't make it here on time.  Here it is ---> better late than never! :)

 Thanksgiving candy given to you RIGHT ON THANKSGIVING. {all the way from the USA}

 the beach & all the times i get to spend there

 my best friends. my brothers.

Yes. We take lots of pictures together! ;]

 Memories made with friends. {it's from last year..but it was memorable}

 Fun with kids & opportunities to share His love.

Christmas. & trees & hats & lights to make it feel festive.

{you have to try to understand the way i feel about this}

 my little pumpkin.

leftover pumpkin pie...hey, we'll take that!

 beautiful holidays that remind us of the need for Jesus in the entire world.

chances to learn this language. 

 those few times it's cool enough to wear a sweatshirt on the bike.

trips with these people. <3 

 Fall Parties & the many laughs.

 Apple Bobbing Competitions with him. ;]

^ this opportunity once again.

{one of the best things.} 

 my little bud.

 Chiang Mai FC games.

 places like this ^

{yes. another one with the tree. but i couldn't resist because he just makes this one priceless.} 

Madre's pies & early Thanksgiving meals.


This Thanksgiving Day had to be one of the {best} ever!  There was no traditional Thanksgiving meal, no day off, no extended family to party with, and nothing 'normal' about the day...BUT I COULDN'T HAVE WISHED FOR IT TO BE ANY DIFFERENT.  To hang out with TCKs from all over Asia, eat yummy rice & veggies, watch athletic competitions, and just enjoy the small things in life made the day better than any Thanksgiving Day could ever be.  To reconnect with friends from the past, meet new people, and just watch people relate without any concerns does one's heart good.  How could you ask for anything else??  It's not wrong to eat Thanksgiving meals, party with friends, and go Black Friday shopping...but where's the Thankfulness in all of that!?!?  It's not wrong, but are we really thankful for what we do have!?

To be honest, there are thousands of things I could add to this list...but for the sake of time, we shall leave it at that...
HAPPY BELATED THANKSGIVING TO ALL OF YOU AMERICANS!! {& to the rest of you who celebrate it too}
&& an early MERRY CHRISTMAS!!
{since it's coming right up}

<3

{& don't forget to make every day Thanksgiving Day....don't take life for granted because it truly is a gift we don't deserve!}

Truly I Am Human...no doubts about it.

To say I've failed time and time again wouldn't truly tell you the embarrassing number of fails this life has committed.

To express the fact that I've hurt people more than once doesn't quite cut it.

To admit the fact that I have sinned over & over wouldn't completely state it all.

To honestly say I have not lived my entire life in a way that honors God would be a major understatement.

To say I have let God down would be wrong, because I am not holding Him up.

But the truth is, I have failed over & over & over & over {ok. you get the point}.

I honestly don't think I can express this in words.

But I can try a major attempt.

The past week and a half have been the worst.

My relationship with God has suffered. {majorly}

Each day has been filled with "important" things... & at the end of the day, sleep seems comfortable.

"I'll make my time with God work in the morning."

Morning comes...& you know how it goes...{or maybe you are one of those super-human people who never has this issue...)

I drive myself insane.

"RaVonne, how can you leave a trip where God taught you incredible things to get back into "normal/everyday" life??  If you died tonight, RaVonne, would you have been a good & faithful servant??  What about all those lessons God clearly threw at you in a very personal way??  RaVonne, you know what's right...What are you going to do about it!?!?"

I've wrestled day after day.  Until God brought something to mind.

It hurt.  It shook me.  There was nothing I could do, but cry out to God.

"God, why do I always do this??  Time and time again...seriously. Aren't You just sick of it?!?  Why do I get so wrapped up in this junk....this trash...this stuff of the world that WILL NOT benefit me in the end!?!?  Maybe it's not wrong..but it's definitely not helping me out in any way...Honestly, God, if I were You {which is obviously impossible, but...} I would've given up on this helpless soul a long time ago!  How can you continually love me like this!?"

In the background I hear the song...

"Even though I walk

through the valley of the shadow of death,

  

Your perfect love is casting out fear.

                

And even when I'm caught

in the middle of the storms of this life,

  

I won't turn back, I know You are near.

                

And I will fear no evil,

             

For my God is with me.

                

And if my God is with me,

                 

Whom then shall I fear?

                  

Whom then shall I fear?

Oh no, You never let go,

Through the calm and through the storm

Oh no, You never let go,

In every high and every low

O no, You never let go

Lord, You never let go of me.

And I can see a light

that is coming for the heart that holds on

A glorious light beyond all compare.

And there will be an end

to these troubles, But until that day comes,

We'll live to know You here on the earth.

Yes, I can see a light that is coming

for the heart that holds on,

                  

And there will be an end to these troubles,

but until that day comes,

Still I will praise You"

The thought comes to me again of God's love in sending His only Son for my life..for your life.

He really didn't have the guarantee that people would accept the greatest gift of all.  But He did it anyway...HE.GAVE.HIS.LIFE.FOR.MINE.

Just try to let that sink in.  Seriously.  Think about it.

So, I am going to try again.  It is worth it in the end.  But somehow I always get lost somewhere....but He will give me the strength to keep going.  Life is hard.  Being a follower of the One True King is difficult.  But let me tell you, boy, is it ever worth it all in the end.

"My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever."  

Psalms 73:26

"What does it look like to be a Christian?

It was August 31, 2014, and I was trying to make my Sunday afternoon relaxing and enjoyable.

But I couldn't.

It didn't matter what I did to attempt the task of distracting my heavy heart, it didn't work.

In fact, it all got worse.

After the last straw broke, I grabbed my journal & began to take out my anger, thoughts, and confusion on my blank pieces of paper.  The pen was greatly used & the thoughts were put on lines in a desperate attempt to find answers.

I desperately wanted to know why I felt the way I did.

"I don't know who I am anymore."  were the first words slammed against the page.

I wrote of the way I felt...the feelings that flooded my heart when I looked in the mirror or at pictures of this little girl.
"Why couldn't I have those days back where all I did was smile?  Or why can't I feel the freedom I used to?"

Nothing made sense.  As I came to the end of my journal entry, the anger and frustration brought determination...

"God, I realize there's so much I don't know and need from You."
"Starting today...I am going on a journey.  {a journey to find God, myself, and what life as a Christian looks like}"

To be honest, I was sick of Christianity.
Not that I was giving up or saying it's not the One True Way...but the lives I see Christians living these days makes me sick.

"I know there's more to it than what I see.  The way these people live isn't that different than any other person.  Sure they go to church twice a week, have their daily devotions every day, pray, and go to Bible School, but seriously...is that what they think the Christian life is all about?? ...I mean, if that's all it is, skip it!  That isn't anything special to me.  If Jesus returned tonight, what would we have to say for ourselves?  Did our lives really do anything worth while?"

It was September 25, 2014, and I had somehow stumbled across a song I had heard before, but this time it struck me.

"...how You lived...how You died...LOVE is sacrifice...LET my LIFE BE THE proof OF Your love..."

"I want to stand before You on judgement day knowing I gave ALL.  & nothing short of all I have.
You have given me life, so to live it for myself would be ((wrong))."

Jesus hung on the cross for me. {in my place}  its overwhelming."

 ( ( l o v e ) )

It was then that the realization struck me.

I had been searching for the answer to "What does it look like for me to be a Christian?" & right there was my answer.

l e t  MY  l i f e  be the  p r o o f  of  YOUR  l o v e

It sounds simple enough...but I continually ask God to show me what that might be.

What does it really look like to be the proof of His love??

His love is so great..indescribable.  How is it possible that some imperfect human being could possibly attempt to show His love?

This I still don't know...but there is one thing I do know..

We live in a time where love is desperately needed.  It's time we stand up and step out of our comforts.  It's time we leave the norm and create a new normal.  Who says it's not cool to be sold out for Jesus?

I challenge you to look at your life seriously.  Are there things in your life that are holding you back from giving everything??  Do you really want to spend as much time with God as you do with your friends or on social media??  {it's hard...i know the struggle is insanely hard}

What does it look like for you to be a Christian??

There is a chance that tonight you could stand before God.  Will you hear the words, "Well done, My good and faithful servant..." ??

LIFE is serious.

Don't live it carelessly.