I Long To Belong.

I long to feel like I belong.  To have a place where I fit in and I’m needed.  Switching countries or states is not an event that is conducive to that particular feeling.  Your roots are continually pulled out of the ground and replanted in multiple places.  It takes time to connect and go deep with people.  So the feeling of being needed seems rather scarce, honestly.

The thought that has been racing through my mind the past week is:  As a Christian I tend to search for my place of belonging in a ‘safe’ place…in a group of Believers like myself.  It often dives into an even smaller circle than that though.  We like to stick within our own people group or denomination.  There are definitely pros to that, but I also see a weakness in my life.

Growing up as an MK forced me to rely on other people.  There were people around us who were different, but we needed them because we weren’t surrounded by our own people.  It was hard.  It was also beneficial.  I learned so much from so many different people that I would have otherwise missed out on.

That takes me to my current thought process.

Here I am.  A Christian girl in a city in America.  I love culture and being around different people.  Currently I am trying to fight through transition.  It’s hard.  I never thought I would attend such a large Mennonite church.  That’s hard to swallow.  But God calls us to things that are different and even appear illogical to our humanistic ways at times.  In the past year I’ve felt like I was losing myself.  Like RaVonne was slowly disappearing and I didn’t know what to do with it.  The things I stood for, the ways I thought and the challenges I wanted to jump into were being sucked down the drain.  I wasn’t ok with that, but I didn’t know what to do with it.  Was there a way to actually stop it?

I found myself struggling to find a way to fit into the church we are currently a part of.  It hasn’t gone like I thought it might.  I mean, in a church of 250+ people, it’s easy to attend and then remove yourself from everything else.  I don’t feel like I fit or like I’m needed.  Sorry, that’s a little vulnerable to say, but that leads me to this point…

For me, as a Christian girl in America, I can tend to want to find my place of belonging at church.  I don’t think that’s wrong because we all need other Believers to walk with us through life.  But I do think that for me it’s wrong to look for my complete group of people there.  How am I ever going to share the Gospel without having relationships with the people who are searching for the Truth?  They long to be needed too.  If I go to them for advice on the culture I am learning or the language I can’t understand and they feel like I really want and need them in my life, we will develop a healthy relationship of giving and receiving.  No, it won’t always be easy, but the Christian life is not meant to be easy.

I find myself living in a little bubble and that scares me.  It’s been a year and half of living here and I can tell you the name of one of my neighbors. That’s ridiculous!  How dare I allow moving to America to change my lifestyle.  I can’t be satisfied with being in a little comfort box where the people around me look the same all the time.  The Word of God needs to be my daily source of life and challenge.  What I believe has got to be more than what my church is asking of me.  I have got to be asking the Lord to fill me daily with the Holy Spirit as I enter the world around me.

God didn’t call me to live in a little bubble or on an island above the world.  Jesus got involved.  He helped people but wasn’t their crutch for life.  He healed many, fed others, and spoke Truth while loving them deeply.  Am I committed to loving unconditionally?  That requires me to put other needs in front of mine.  Am I committed to saying “Here I am, Lord, use me,” when I have no idea what all it might cost?  If not, then I am not a follower of Him.  I’m just a fan in the crowd searching for benefits.

Jesus Christ means so much to me.  To be here for benefits seems rather disrespectful, selfish, and ignorant.  Am I willing to live a different life and accept the responsibilities that comes with the incredible gift of salvation?  If not, than what’s the point!?

This Is Me

Hey Guys,

This is me.  RaVonne Rhodes.

I was born in Northern Minnesota to a white, Mennonite couple.  So, yes.  I have a white, Mennonite face and convictions that fall under Mennonite standards.  So to all of you who are white Mennonites…I look just like you.

The hardest thing for me to swallow and even say to you is that I am a white, American, Mennonite girl.  As true as it all is, everything within me wants to be separated from that title.  Let me try to explain…

When I was six years old my family moved to a small island in the Caribbean.  I went to a school where all the students’ beautiful, dark skin made my skin look ever so pale.  My friends were my brothers and kids on our street.  I distinctly remember dreaming of the day I would live in a small village like the one we would go to for quality time with our friends or live in a big house on a point with a beautiful view of the ocean.  That island was home and I thought I would be there forever.

After four years on the small island, my family moved back to Minnesota for a year to reconnect a little before we moved to Asia.  I loved being close to my grandparents and cousins, but sometimes it was hard.  I missed all my Grenadian family and friends.

Sixteen months flew by and we were suddenly on a long flight to Thailand.  I hated it.  I didn’t want to move there, but that is where God was calling my family.

As I look back on those eleven years of my life, I see God working in my heart.  Thailand became home and Asia was a place I didn’t want to leave for good.  After school my brothers and I would play with other TCKs in our housing development or with our Thai neighbor.  When I turned fifteen, I got my motorcycle license.  Almost every day my brothers would pile on the back and we would drive to school.  I had to learn to balance weight on two wheels while at the same time not allow the moving of kids to wreck our ride.  Rice and spicy food.  Hours at the pool.  Multiple nationalities present at church every Sunday.  Learning a foreign language and finding ways to communicate.  It was all a part of every day life.  Every day I would find myself around people who looked nothing like me.  It wasn’t awkward or weird.  They would ask me why I cover my head and why I wear skirts all the time.  I struggled to know why and even to be ok with being different all the time, but as I grew older, I began to understand the Word of God and what He was asking of me.  I would learn from my Asian friends and find myself inspired to reach out to people around me.  They used what they had to worship God.  It spoke to me and changed my view of life.

Eleven years of being in Asia and four years of being in the Caribbean made me someone different than the culture I was born into.

I stepped onto American soil on December 13, 2017.  To a lot of people, it looked like I was coming home.  Pennsylvania hasn’t ever been home to me before, but it’s supposed to be now.  It’s hard.  Every day I find myself wondering what new cultural thing I will learn next.  Kinda weird, right?  But let’s look at it this way…

I feel at home in a church service with other cultures.  I feel more at home when I look different from everyone around me.  When the food is spicy and English isn’t the only language being spoken. 

As white as I may be and as Mennonite as I may look, I don’t understand American culture or Mennonite culture.  I’m learning.  Every day I find myself in awe of the way something works.  It’s just like it was when I first went to Asia.  Only here I speak the language and look like the people on the outside.

In the past year I’ve started a relationship with a guy from my church in PA.  It’s been incredible.  One of the brightest parts of moving to America, actually.  But it has come with challenges.  Our cultures are different.  We see things differently at times.  It’s hard for me to stay in one place for a long period of time and be content with it.  Thanksgiving is an interesting holiday.  Churches do odd things to figure out who is going to be on a committee or who will be the next pastor.  Sometimes church feels formal.

I’m grateful for people who have patience to explain things to me.  For people who ask about my life.  For people who allow me to do odd things because I don’t know what’s expected.

It’s hard.  Relationships are difficult.

But learning is a huge part of life.  Especially for a Christian.

If we are going to share the Gospel with the people around us, like we are commanded to do, then we need to learn the culture of the people we are reaching.  That's a given.  So learning should be second nature.

To all of you TCKs out there today, learn all you can.  Our lives are different and we don’t always feel understood, but we can learn from others.  We can learn about our birth culture or our nationality’s culture just like we learned to adapt to all those foreign cultures in the past.

The biggest thing I’ve learned in the past few weeks is to grieve the countless losses.

Cry about those things you miss.  Shed tears over the fact that it’s hard and it hurts.  Admit that it isn’t what you thought it would be or that people don’t get it.  Find someone who understands.  Let God take your pain and frustration, your losses and disappointments.  Once you’ve allowed Him to clean the wounds, He will be able to bring healing and restore.

It’s a journey that’s hard.  But let me tell you, EVER SO WORTH IT.

We’ve been given a valuable gift.  Be who you are RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE.  Learn all you can and pursue Jesus Christ with everything within you.  You’ll never regret it!

Sincerly,

A Third Culture Kid