It's when I stop for a second to try to comprehend what's happening in my life that my heart gets heavy & tears run down my face.

My human mind attempts to process life.  But it can't.

My attempts to place my thoughts on paper fail and instead of filling the pages with words, tears scar the lines.

Pictures of people & friends who have brought joy to my life fly through my brain as I think of the day that I will have to say the dreadful goodbye.

Life isn't hopeless, and yet, sometimes it appears that way.

When I look around me & see the wounded hearts of young girls, the skinned up knees of the fatherless children, and the tears of the parents who have lost their children, I thank God that in the midst of pain, I HAVE SOMETHING TO LIVE FOR.

I have Someone. I have a purpose in life.

Without that, it would BE hopeless.  No direction in life.  Nothing to live for.  No comfort in heartbreaking moments.

Why am I questioning God?  Why does life look so bad to me [the child of the One True King]?

I .know. He won't take the pain away.  For me to beg Him to pull it out of my life would be wrong.  He has a reason & a precious plan in mind.  Yes, it is hard & from the ashes He will make something beautiful.

And today I am thankful that there can be joy in the midst of pain because I have a reason to live. <3

In a little less than three weeks I will board a plane with my family.  The journey will take us back to what we knew as home, but now it's different than what it used to be.  What was known as home for this past year will be left behind along with the friends we made.  How does one process this?

In one year's time, every 'home' state & country were visited.  Memories were made & lessons were learned.  God worked in a powerful way in my life & honestly, I am a different person today than I was last year at this time.  The year had struggles [BIG struggles], but God was that constant strong & steady, ever-present Father.  I've learned to love Him even more & I've seen Him use broken and imperfect people to impact other's lives.  When I thought it was impossible, He used me [little, imperfect me].  When life seemed difficult, he brought relationships into my life that were humanly impossible.

Now I'm trying to grasp the thought that this year is almost over.  Tears come to my eyes as I attempt to process the thought of leaving.  It's one of those moments when all the feelings you could ever imagine come swooping into your life and overwhelm you.  There truly are no words.  God reminded me this morning that I can fully trust Him because He's in control.  He knows.  I can rest in the assurance that He has it all under control & I can accept it.  For me to push it away would be painful.  To accept the coming journey is going to be painful.  But if I trust Him, it will be bearable and He will continually comfort me.  There's no way to try to hide that it's hard.  Honestly, it's one of those things you question and wonder why God would allow so much inconsistency in one person's life.  Why would God allow so much change and so few people who fully understand and care?

"I am with you."

That's all I need.  No matter how hard the situation, no matter how difficult the task, HE IS WITH ME & I don't need to worry about the future.

Pray for us, if you think about it.  These next weeks look HUGE!  But our God is BIGGER!

<3

7.17.14. //Thoughts//

Day to day battles with oneself isn’t uncommon.  Being a Christian involves these continuous moments of surrender each day of our lives.  For us to remember that we are nothing without God is important.  It doesn’t matter how beautiful or handsome you are, what kind of family you come from, how cute your kids are, how tall and handsome your boyfriend is or how beautiful your girlfriend looks.  It doesn’t matter if you’re single or married, white or black, American, Asian, African or European, if you’ve gone to church all your life or you just started a week ago, if you have ten talents or just one talent.  God accepts us all the same.  In His eyes, we are no different.  To Him, we are all strangers wandering around on a tiny planet called Earth and daily needing more of Him.  We will never [EVER] become something of worth to Him on our own.  Because God sent His very Own precious Son to die on the cross for the wicked and ungodly deeds we have done, we have the ability to have a relationship with the Creator of the Universe.

What bigger gift could we ask for???

Instead of being genuinely grateful for the greatest gift ever given to us, we walk around this earth looking for something more we could have.  We wander around shopping malls looking for more stuff to fill our houses and better clothes to reach a higher class in our church.  Whether we realize it or not, we create an unspoken pressure to become a ‘better’ person [in our human eyes, mind you].  We’ve created an atmosphere of jealousy and style that somehow makes us feel a little bit better than the people God has placed around us.  Is this what the Christian life looks like to you?

It’s not about filling up our time at youth activities, school events, parties, and a church service once or twice a week!  Our lives are to be [living] [daily] relationships with God, [OUR MAKER].  You can’t get to know someone by spending fifteen minutes a day with them.  For us to truly know God, we need to continually talk to Him, read His Word, & worship Him to give Him the glory He deserves!  It’s easy to get caught up in our day to day activities and find ourselves too tired to have our quiet time before we go to bed.  Sometimes we set our alarm clocks to wake us up in just enough time to get us ready for work.  Is that pursuing God?  The truth of the matter is He already knows us.  We are the ones who need to know Him more.  The best thing is, it doesn’t matter how much time we spend with Him, we will never fully know His greatness and Who He is!  Does that look a little overwhelming??  That’s OK.  He is the greatest & if we could figure Him out, life would have no point.  So keep pursuing!

My life is just a vapor & to spend it for myself would be absolutely ridiculous.  To surrender daily is hard, but for me to wrestle for a short amount of time so I can overcome & spend eternity praising God makes it worth it!  My challenge to you is daily surrender your life to God. You will never [ever] regret it!

<3