Tuesday, September 20, 2016

9 - 20 - 16

Saturday I spent some hours at the beach with the kids I was babysitting and while I was there I stood where the sand and water collided and thought about the beauty before me.  I was completely lost in God's love and His beauty. 




If this is beautiful, or gorgeous, or something incredible...what is Heaven going to be like?  If my times of worship here send shivers down my spine and move me to tears, what is it going to be like to stand before the Throne of God and see His beautiful face?  The many colors decorating the sky as the sun began to feed light to the other side of the world left me in awe of God's incredible talent and skill in creating a world with details He didn't have to give...

WHAT WILL IT BE LIKE TO BE IN HEAVEN?

Monday morning I awoke to my alarm and for some reason I decided to check my Squad Chat Group on Instagram before I got up...I hardly opened the chat and realized that something serious had happened.  I scrolled to the beginning of that particular conversation and began reading...my eyes couldn't scan the words fast enough.  As a lump appeared in my throat and a knot in my stomach, I tried to grasp the reality of one of our Squad members standing before Jesus.  She was ready, but the accident was so sudden.  We would never be able to all see each other again on this earth and that's hard to think about...But the fact that she finished her race and is HOME brings a smile to my face.  

We all long to finish our race and to do it well.  This life is so temporary and we know that, but for some reason we don't live with the right perspective that at any moment I could go, or you could go...I might never have the chance to tell my family how much I love them again.  I might never have the time to tell my friends how much they mean to me.  They might be taken home before I see them again.  Why don't I use the moments I have to love the people around me...ALL THE TIME??  So often I get frustrated at the stupidest little things in life and I let them affect my relationships with people, but you know what?  THAT IS OF NO IMPORTANCE IN LIGHT OF RELATIONSHIPS + ETERNITY!  Every moment that I have with someone is a gift...something I can't take for granted.

I love to listen to music while I'm getting ready for the day, but this particular Monday morning I couldn't decide what I wanted to listen to...I knew that anything would bring me to tears + I wasn't into picking a song that would always remind me of this particular moment.  I turned on the radio and the first words I heard were, "...Take this world and give me Jesus..."
Yeah, you got it.  I cried my eyes out right then and there.

This world is not my home.  This isn't where I belong, but I have been sent here for a mission and I don't want to leave until my mission is complete.  This world has nothing to offer me, but I can tell you something right now...I HAVE BEEN GIVEN THE GREATEST GIFT MAN CAN RECEIVE + BECAUSE OF THAT, I HAVE SOMETHING TO OFFER THE WORLD.


The past couple days I have found myself thinking about life and it's frailty.  When I go, what will I leave behind?  Will people be pointed to Jesus or will they continue on as if nothing ever happened?  Will they look back on my life and the choices I made and see the grace and love of Christ or will they see self and fleshly desires?
I know one thing, I have goals for my future and whether or not I see another day, I hope and pray that those around me will stay strong in Jesus Christ through joy and pain and when they stand before God on judgement day they will hear the words, "Well done, My good and faithful servant."  & They will realize that everything was worth it!

Stay strong + faithful in Jesus.   


Monday, August 8, 2016

Dear Journal...


Here I am
Down on my knees again
Surrendering all
Surrendering all
Find me here
Lord as You draw me near
Desperate for you
Desperate for you
I surrender

I want to know You more.  Through all the trials and pain in life.  I want to keep you in complete focus.  Everything surrendered to YOU.  I just want YOU to have YOUR WAY in me.  There are so many things that don’t make sense.  So many struggles in life that look humanly impossible to figure out, but then I look at my past….Your faithfulness in every detail of my life.  I read Your Word and it all points me to the unfailing character of the ONE who created life.  Everything around me has changed + it will only continue to change…but YOU never change.

F A I T H F U L   B E F O R E.  F A I T H F U L   A G A I N.

These are the words that have continually come to me the past several weeks.  My desire is that nothing.  Absolutely nothing would separate me from Your LOVE.  I have been pleading for a relationship with you that exceeds anything I have ever experienced in my life.  My longing and prayer has been a relationship with You that outweighs anything I desire in life.  It has been so long since I have had a deep longing and hunger for Your Word and I have been dreaming of the day when my only driving force in life is YOU.

Here I am.  In the midst of a struggle I never really thought would be reality.
I am surrounded by a world full of pain, confusion, stupid arguments, and imperfect people.  Sickness that destroys life and causes people to question Your goodness.  So many people let down by their expectations that are far from realistic.  People taking out their anger on others when it really isn’t their place to speak…causing pain and struggle for more imperfect people.  Hurting people hurting others…
People are coming and going…some call you friends and family, but later move on in life…others, they love you more than you deserve.  What kind of friend and family member am I?  Where is my loyalty and to whom am I paying respect?

It gets confusing and chaotic.

Then I hear the words of Jesus… “This is here to make you stronger in Me & to draw you closer to Myself.  You prayed for a relationship that would exceed anything.  You asked Me to bring you closer…Here you are.  In My arms.  Your tear streaked face reflects the pain of this world, but you have a relationship with Me that is greater than anything you will ever receive in this world.  I am doing a work in your life and I am not finished with you yet….”
Faithful before.  Faithful again.

Wow, God.  You really have a lot of trust in me…I mean, to give me life to live for You in a world that can be so tempting at times…You have given me ever so many blessings that I don’t deserve, but you just want to show me Your love.  I’m overwhelmed.  Completely overwhelmed by Your faithfulness.  The way You speak so personally and the way You use people to show care and love when we don’t deserve one bit of it.  Why am I struggling to let go of my future when You have it all under control?  Why am I anxious in something I have no control over? …..I’m done.  It’s all YOURS.  My past.  My present.  My struggles.  My future.
 All that I am, I place into Your loving hands...I AM YOURS.

Surrendering all.

Desperate for You.