Transitioning
people have a difficult time knowing how to enter a populated space where
relationships are already deeply established.
Loneliness, cluelessness, fear of being hurt and a state of being
overwhelmed can at times keep them from reaching into the community around
them. As real as those feelings may be,
they should never be an excuse for the transitioning soul. An effort should be put forth in applying
oneself right where he resides.
That
being said, we are going to dig into the Top 10 Ways non-transitioning people
can reach out to the transitioning individuals in their lives. These all came from people who have either
walked through or are in the middle of transition. Just for entertainment purposes, I placed the
advice in order of how many times they were sent in.
1. Ask Questions. There’s an entire life and world
overseas that is vastly different from yours.
The only way you are going to know what your transitioning friend is
thinking or going through is by asking. In
doing so, you will speak volumes of interest.
I don’t know that one can ask too many questions.
2. Listen. There
is nothing worse than a person who asks a question and pays no attention to the
answer. If you remember little details (the
anniversary of their move, the date of a difficult, upcoming event, their
favorite holiday overseas or any other random fact) you will communicate love
to your friend in transition. Be there
for them. There are days when they may
need to talk about how difficult life currently is, how much they miss ‘home,’
and how good the family vacation to Paris was.
Be a listening ear.
3. Include. Often
the first month or two are full of people inviting the transitioning
person/people over for supper, out with friends or to a holiday event. This is great but including can’t stop at the
first- or second-month mark. Don’t
assume someone else is including them. Take
it upon yourself to make sure they are included. If you invited them to a friend outing, make
sure they have a place in the conversation as well. Holidays are special and sentimental times in
a person’s life. Reach out to the
transitioning during a holiday and make sure they have a place to go, people to
be with, and events to take part in.
4. Validate. Acknowledge
that the transitioning soul in your life is grieving. It’s not always fun and games. There are countless times when they won’t
feel overly happy to be “home.” When you
ask them what has been the hardest part of transition, don’t respond to their
answer with a list of what’s good in this country. A great way to show care is by listening and
validating their current struggles. You
can always pray for them and continue to check in on them as well.
5. No Assuming. You
really don’t know how they are doing in the middle of the transition unless you
ask them. Please don’t ever jump to
conclusions on your own or via someone else’s word. Make sure you ask, listen, and get what they are
saying. Assumptions kill relationships.
6. Use the Word “Home” Lightly. Referring
to the current location as “home” is very risky and even painful at times. For the transitioning soul, “home” is often
still the place they just moved from. It
takes time for a place to feel like home.
In fact, it doesn’t happen over the course of a year, but over several
years. Just be mindful of the fact that
this may not currently feel like “home.”
7. Extend Grace. A
transitioning person doesn’t know how to live in this country just because he
was born here. Life has been very
different and the current culture can be overwhelming to jump into. He will make mistakes and will need a
gracious person to help him navigate through the new changes.
8. Enter Their World. Find
ways to hear about the culture, eat the food, look at pictures, and grasp a
little more of their lives. Be creative.
9. Offer Help. If
there’s a community event coming up, check in with your transitioning friend to
make sure they know what’s going on. There
are times when the most obvious customs will seem confusing to the transitioning
individual. If they are clueless, you
can explain and give as many details as they need. Make yourself available for them to ask
questions when they feel clueless and never make them feel dumb for asking the
questions they do.
10. Be Welcoming. Look
for ways to make them feel welcome as they settle into a new home, while at the
same time giving them space to find their way in this new culture. Whether it be a grocery shower, inviting them
to a book club, including their kids in a Summer Bible School, dropping off a
meal, or including them in a holiday event, make sure this continues throughout
the years of transition and not for the first few months alone.
