Truly I Am Human...no doubts about it.

To say I've failed time and time again wouldn't truly tell you the embarrassing number of fails this life has committed.

To express the fact that I've hurt people more than once doesn't quite cut it.

To admit the fact that I have sinned over & over wouldn't completely state it all.

To honestly say I have not lived my entire life in a way that honors God would be a major understatement.

To say I have let God down would be wrong, because I am not holding Him up.

But the truth is, I have failed over & over & over & over {ok. you get the point}.

I honestly don't think I can express this in words.

But I can try a major attempt.

The past week and a half have been the worst.

My relationship with God has suffered. {majorly}

Each day has been filled with "important" things... & at the end of the day, sleep seems comfortable.

"I'll make my time with God work in the morning."

Morning comes...& you know how it goes...{or maybe you are one of those super-human people who never has this issue...)

I drive myself insane.

"RaVonne, how can you leave a trip where God taught you incredible things to get back into "normal/everyday" life??  If you died tonight, RaVonne, would you have been a good & faithful servant??  What about all those lessons God clearly threw at you in a very personal way??  RaVonne, you know what's right...What are you going to do about it!?!?"

I've wrestled day after day.  Until God brought something to mind.

It hurt.  It shook me.  There was nothing I could do, but cry out to God.

"God, why do I always do this??  Time and time again...seriously. Aren't You just sick of it?!?  Why do I get so wrapped up in this junk....this trash...this stuff of the world that WILL NOT benefit me in the end!?!?  Maybe it's not wrong..but it's definitely not helping me out in any way...Honestly, God, if I were You {which is obviously impossible, but...} I would've given up on this helpless soul a long time ago!  How can you continually love me like this!?"

In the background I hear the song...

"Even though I walk

through the valley of the shadow of death,

  

Your perfect love is casting out fear.

                

And even when I'm caught

in the middle of the storms of this life,

  

I won't turn back, I know You are near.

                

And I will fear no evil,

             

For my God is with me.

                

And if my God is with me,

                 

Whom then shall I fear?

                  

Whom then shall I fear?

Oh no, You never let go,

Through the calm and through the storm

Oh no, You never let go,

In every high and every low

O no, You never let go

Lord, You never let go of me.

And I can see a light

that is coming for the heart that holds on

A glorious light beyond all compare.

And there will be an end

to these troubles, But until that day comes,

We'll live to know You here on the earth.

Yes, I can see a light that is coming

for the heart that holds on,

                  

And there will be an end to these troubles,

but until that day comes,

Still I will praise You"

The thought comes to me again of God's love in sending His only Son for my life..for your life.

He really didn't have the guarantee that people would accept the greatest gift of all.  But He did it anyway...HE.GAVE.HIS.LIFE.FOR.MINE.

Just try to let that sink in.  Seriously.  Think about it.

So, I am going to try again.  It is worth it in the end.  But somehow I always get lost somewhere....but He will give me the strength to keep going.  Life is hard.  Being a follower of the One True King is difficult.  But let me tell you, boy, is it ever worth it all in the end.

"My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever."  

Psalms 73:26