Monday, August 8, 2016

Dear Journal...


Here I am
Down on my knees again
Surrendering all
Surrendering all
Find me here
Lord as You draw me near
Desperate for you
Desperate for you
I surrender

I want to know You more.  Through all the trials and pain in life.  I want to keep you in complete focus.  Everything surrendered to YOU.  I just want YOU to have YOUR WAY in me.  There are so many things that don’t make sense.  So many struggles in life that look humanly impossible to figure out, but then I look at my past….Your faithfulness in every detail of my life.  I read Your Word and it all points me to the unfailing character of the ONE who created life.  Everything around me has changed + it will only continue to change…but YOU never change.

F A I T H F U L   B E F O R E.  F A I T H F U L   A G A I N.

These are the words that have continually come to me the past several weeks.  My desire is that nothing.  Absolutely nothing would separate me from Your LOVE.  I have been pleading for a relationship with you that exceeds anything I have ever experienced in my life.  My longing and prayer has been a relationship with You that outweighs anything I desire in life.  It has been so long since I have had a deep longing and hunger for Your Word and I have been dreaming of the day when my only driving force in life is YOU.

Here I am.  In the midst of a struggle I never really thought would be reality.
I am surrounded by a world full of pain, confusion, stupid arguments, and imperfect people.  Sickness that destroys life and causes people to question Your goodness.  So many people let down by their expectations that are far from realistic.  People taking out their anger on others when it really isn’t their place to speak…causing pain and struggle for more imperfect people.  Hurting people hurting others…
People are coming and going…some call you friends and family, but later move on in life…others, they love you more than you deserve.  What kind of friend and family member am I?  Where is my loyalty and to whom am I paying respect?

It gets confusing and chaotic.

Then I hear the words of Jesus… “This is here to make you stronger in Me & to draw you closer to Myself.  You prayed for a relationship that would exceed anything.  You asked Me to bring you closer…Here you are.  In My arms.  Your tear streaked face reflects the pain of this world, but you have a relationship with Me that is greater than anything you will ever receive in this world.  I am doing a work in your life and I am not finished with you yet….”
Faithful before.  Faithful again.

Wow, God.  You really have a lot of trust in me…I mean, to give me life to live for You in a world that can be so tempting at times…You have given me ever so many blessings that I don’t deserve, but you just want to show me Your love.  I’m overwhelmed.  Completely overwhelmed by Your faithfulness.  The way You speak so personally and the way You use people to show care and love when we don’t deserve one bit of it.  Why am I struggling to let go of my future when You have it all under control?  Why am I anxious in something I have no control over? …..I’m done.  It’s all YOURS.  My past.  My present.  My struggles.  My future.
 All that I am, I place into Your loving hands...I AM YOURS.

Surrendering all.

Desperate for You.

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