Third Culture Kids (& Five Things You Should Know)

      I have grown up as a TCK and have come to realize that there are a lot of people who don't understand what TCKs are or even know what to do with them...This next year I am planning to do a little blogging on TCKs and some of the things I have experienced.  If you have any words of wisdom, any advice, thoughts, struggles, or questions, please comment, message, email, or contact me somehow.  I would greatly appreciate it. :)

     For now, let's get started with five things TCKs wish other people would know or understand...They aren't the top five important things in a TCKs life, but five things I have often wished other people would know or understand...      

      ((For those of who wishing to see a definition of a TCK before we keep going...))

      A Third Culture Kid is a kid who is raised in a culture other than their parents' (or the culture of the country given on the child's passport, where they are legally considered native) for a significant part of their early development years. (According to Wikipedia) 

    

      

1.     TCKs don’t get as excited about their birth country as you think they do.

When a TCK returns to his birth country, usually people think they are over-the-top excited to be home.  The assumption that now they can eat healthy, clean food, live in a safe environment, trust the hospital care, and be with friends is made a little too quickly.  I can’t deny the fact that it is fun and exciting to land in the US and see friends I haven’t seen for years…but two weeks into the trip I start to feel a little bit like I don’t really know what to talk about with my friends and some cheap food from the market would just hit the spot.  It’s not that I don’t like America and the people I know here, it’s just that I don’t have history with this place…the people…or the food.

The best thing you can do for a TCK is ask them about their home life.  If you find yourself at a restaurant together, ask them what kinds of things are different back at home in those restaurants, or find ways to see a little more of what their world is like.  You will never fully understand what you are saying to a TCK when you ask them about their world and then listen to what they have to say.

2.     You travel as a passion, but TCKs travel out of necessity.

When you look at your passport, you usually check to see how many stamps you have and that’s cool…even TCKs like to think back to all those different moments in different countries as they flip through the pages of their passport…but remember, a passport is necessary for a TCK.  For you, it’s probably because you went on vacation in the Caribbean or on a mission trip with your church.  That’s not the kind of trips TCKs are taking.  When you flip through a passport of a TCK, you will see pages full of stamps, but sadly most of them are just from legal work.  A TCK doesn’t have the freedom of living in a country without having to worry about being legal or leaving the country every so often.  Consulates, embassies, and other government buildings are just a part of life…usually with negative feelings attached.

So when you talk to a TCK about traveling, please remember that you aren’t always on the same page in the area of travel.  Yes, TCKs get to go on some cool vacations to other countries, but usually the money that is spent on travel is to take a trip back to their birth country to see family or to leave the country to renew a visa.  It’s not always as glamorous as it may appear.

3.     TCKs just want a steadfast friend.

Change is the most constant companion of a TCK and when it comes to people coming and going, I can’t tell you how much that affects Third Culture Kids.  Usually TCKs have friends all over the world, but can I remind you that most of them are pretty shallow relationships…they are friendships with people who they’ve only known for several years.  When it comes to other TCKs being their friends, you can’t really break the bond that is there…whether or not they message each other once a month, twice a year, or every-other day…TCKs just understand TCKs without having to say anything.  They are their own nationality in a way and there isn’t a lot than can change that.

For you, just be a friend that will ask, listen, and really care about their lives.  You are probably tired of me saying this by now, but asking and listening mean more than you will ever understand.  For me, as a TCK, I’ve often felt like I’m the one who has to find a way to keep a conversation going…and usually it is centered around the American life because that’s where we are currently at with our friends…and that’s ok.  But there has to be a point where people will take the time to hear from TCKs and then continue to do so for years to come.  If you can’t prove to them that you actually really care about them, have fun trying to be besties because it probably won’t work.

Often a lot of people assume that since you know so many people, you have lots of friends and don’t really need any more…so you are overlooked or just have those “Hey, how’s it going?” conversations…please remember that there is no way one can be close friends with five thousand people, but neither can all five thousand people just view this TCK as a random, see-you-once-a-year friend…that’s what creates loneliness for TCKs and a struggle that makes life rough.

4.     A TCK isn’t always who you think they are.

One of the hardest things about being a TCK is trying to find your place in this world.  When you are in your birth country, everyone expects you to fit in like everyone else, but you don’t.  When you are at home (in the foreign country), you look different and right away you are put in a box of not fitting in.  Then there are those days when you open your mouth and the native asks you if you are part Thai…but you have to explain that you’re not.  The Americans think you are a cool, world-traveling American and the Asians think you are a fun, American girl trying out Asia (but you speak their language and that doesn’t line up)… So who am I?  Who is your TCK friend?

Whatever you do, please don’t expect them to be who you are.  They don’t think like you, eat the food you do, or love what you love.  Their world view is so different and wars in foreign countries affect them in ways they don’t affect you.  They might be sitting at a rodeo and see some Asian friends in front of them…if your TCK friend is super happy and suddenly feels at home, please don’t make smart, judging comments because in reality, they are almost as much Asian as they are American.  Just ask, listen, and let them know you care about their life.

5.     Home.

Home is where the people you love are, not necessarily where a specific building is or where you’ve grown up…  When it comes to knowing what country to call home, it almost feels impossible; but at the same time it’s as though you have two or more homes on this earth.  It can be really hard to know how to respond to people when they ask you if it’s good to be home when you make it to your birth country…and sometimes it can be the same way when you return back to the ‘foreign country.’  Airports and airplanes are also one of the many homes of TCKs and being with other Third Culture Kids makes you feel like you are in a home of sorts…or whatever home is I guess…